Welcome to Hell, Kid
hahahahahahahahahahahahahah cool
So, I wanted to start this newsletter with a funny (hopefully) essay about how much I hate those TikTok baby naming videos. Maybe that’ll still happen, idk. I mostly just wanted a space to talk about my two favorite things: my baby, and Consuming Content™️ while stoned. And, as a service journalist at heart, to recommend Content™️ for other Weed Moms™️ to Consume™️. (Though you don’t have to be a mom and/or stoned to subscribe. I will not be checking.)
But as I started to set this thing up, the air around New York City (where I live) turned to poison, thanks at least partially to emergency services funding cuts, and there was a mass shooting at a high school graduation in Richmond (where I grew up), which Virginia’s lieutenant governor bent over backwards to blame on anything but the fucking guns. Also more media layoffs. Also [TBD BAD THING THAT WILL SURELY HAPPEN BEFORE FRIDAY.] It’s all I can think about. It’s the kind of edge that doesn’t come off.
When I told my friends in 2020 that I was going to start trying to get pregnant in the next few years, one asked me if that would still be the case even if Trump won. I brushed off the question; a baby was still an abstract concept, still untouchable by nasty hypotheticals. Then there are all the tiny anxieties that go into the process of getting pregnant, staying pregnant, giving birth, getting through the early days when a bomb just went off in your life and body. Those larger fears around climate change and gun violence (and a whole arsenal of other existential threats) are too big to find purchase in a brain that feels slippery like spaghetti. This week, they started sticking.
I don’t think having kids in inherently selfish nor do I think it’s a radical act of hope. What it is is a volunteer opportunity to be worried every second of your life. I’m going to try to channel some of that worry into action: tomorrow we’re taking the baby to a park clean-up day and I’m looking into Moms Demand Action. If you’ve got other things that help you feel like your brain’s cooling circuit is working again, please let me know.
I hope you’ll hang around, maybe even subscribe. I promise future ‘sletters will be a lot more easy breezy (beautiful tbd). I’m gonna try to send this out biweekly on Fridays but I have a four-month-old and a full-time job so we’ll see. Thanks for reading!
Recommendation: Doomscrolling and panicked Amazon orders
*Any typos are the result of a tiny fist hitting the keyboard. I promise. It was the baby’s fault.*